How Can You Say
by SlytherinCrowned
Summary: Hatred? Matt hated Mello? The notion left Mello with a bad taste in his mouth that reminded him of gunpowder and regret. -- MxM, a songfic in which Mello is forced to break down his walls at Matt's words.


Woah, two fics in one day. What came over me? lol So here's another songfic, this time with the lyrics just being in Matt's part of the conversation. The song used is Cigarette by Yellowcard. I'd give that a listen if I were you, but I think the story flows well enough without it, as well. Don't forget to hit that review button after you're done, kay?

Disclaimer: Death Note © Ohba and Obata. Lyrics © Yellowcard. 

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How Can You Say

Matt watched Mello from across the room, taking a deep drag on his fag and blowing out a steady stream of silvery smoke after the sweet burning in his lung lost its appeal. "Watching the days burning out like a cigarette. Just a few drags to go." He mused, his dulled blue optics staring at the blackening end before his face from behind a film of orange, fake cheeriness.

His sudden monologue caused Mello to pause in his typing, but that was short lived, He returned to his work without giving Matt a second thought. That was until Matt continued.

"You built me up, and you broke me down somehow." Matt flicked his gaze towards Mello, watching calmly as Mello sighed in annoyance.

Mello realized Matt wasn't about to let this drop, and it was best to just listen to him or end up distracted later. He saved his progress with a sharp chime from the program, and closed the laptop. He swivled around in his chair to face his companion, kicking his feet up onto the arm rest. "Matt-"

The redhead cut him off. "Everything just seemed so clear to me." He crushed his now finished cigarette into an ashtray with dozens of other finished butts. "Nothing left to know. I'll love you right, and I'll love you pure right now."

Mello felt his face heat up ever so slightly, but he refused to allow himself to blush. He wouldn't let Matt see him get bothered by this. No way. "Okay but-"

"How can you say that it's too late to save us now?"

Mello entirely froze. No longer did he fear the blush that threatened to spill onto his cheeks. Instead, his skin drained of it's colour and he was left with a palid shock in it's place. He didn't want to talk about this. Not right now. "Let's get back to that loving me thing, huh?" He sent Matt a nervous smile, urging the boy to play along.

Matt shook his head, muttering to himself softly so Mello couldn't hear. It was for naught, though, as the room was silent besides himself, the rush of traffic outside, and the hum of napping computers. "And I would wait for you if you would wait for me. I will wait for you if you will wait for me."

Mello sighed deeply, unnerved by Matt's sudden talkative streak. He shifted in his seat before standing to join Matt on the beaten settee housing crumbs and bits of fly-away fluff. They sat side by side for a few moments, neither speaking nor looking at one another. Mello bit at his lip while tearing through his mind for a response. He couldn't think of a single one. Matt had the upper hand in this conversation, and it frightened him that he lost his control. He trusted the redhead though, right? Matt wouldn't take advantage of this dominance, right?

"Intoxicated, the edge is serrated, so easily torn from the core." Matt glanced over towards the blond. "I blushed the first time, but you blushed the last time my eyes hit your mind. Regenerated these feelings of hatred..."

Hatred? Matt hated Mello? The notion left Mello with a bad taste in his mouth that reminded him of gunpowder and regret. He supposed there was plenty of good reasons for Matt to hate him. All those years ago, he left the other boy in their shared room. He snuck out while he was certain Matt was sleeping deeply, and vanished to America. Then he blew himself up, and backed himself into a corner only to drag Matt into a war that he had no business being in after not a single phone call or letter to prove he was still among the living. He ordered Matt to help him without even questioning whether the other boy had a life of his own. He just assumed...

"I long for your love evermore," Matt continued, seeing the flickering emotions behind Mello's eyes, the self hate bubbling beneath the surface. "You built me up, and broke me down this time."

That did it. Mello could stay silent no longer. He gripped Matt's shoulders and pulled him closer into a crushing embrace. The blond's delicately painted nails twisted into the black and white stripes that he grew so fond of after a lifetime together. "Matt, please don't talk anymore." He could hear himself begging desperately, and felt pathetic for it yet couldn't seem to stop himself. "Please."

Matt set his chin on Mello's shoulder, wrapping his own arms around the shaking ex-mafiaso. He pressed his lips to Mello's temple in a light kiss before whispering in his ear. "And I would wait for you if you would wait for me. I will wait for you if you will wait for me."

A quiet sob broke free from Mello's weakening control. Embarressed and confused, he burrowed his face into Matt's neck, dampening the younger teen's skin there with his warm tears. Nonsense spewed forth from his mouth as he asked for forgiveness. He tried to explain everything in one gasp, but ran out of air.

"How can you say that it's too late to save us now?" Matt rubbed at Mello's back, comforting him as well as he knew how. He gently rocked the two of them back and forth as Mello all but broke down in a hysterics. The dam was finally cracked beyond hold, and all that pent up emotion rushed forth in a crushing tide of jumbled words from a sticky face. The redhead smiled softly. "How can you say?"

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Y'know what time it is now, right? That's right! Review time!

Now I have to go continue through my music, and hopefully not get distracted with more ideas, since I need to get a move on chapter 2 of the Runaways.


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